Buy The Good Tires
I was scared to tell Matt. He's my one of my closest friends, and despite how close we are on everything else, because we are on and off ex-boy/girlfriend to each other, we usually do not discuss our other love adventures. I told him about Andrew anyway.
All weekend, all that I could think about was Andrew. It was driving me crazy. Saturday was Prom, but I did not dress for my date, I did not dress for John, even as I applied lip gloss I prayed with all my being that Andrew would decide to go to Prom, even though he did not have a date. I guiltily watched the door out of the corner of my eye, awaiting his arrival as I danced with John. With each minute another part of my heart sank. I sank deeper into my regret for having not asked him. John and I went to scour out Jacob, and as we came around the corner of the dance floor, my eyes immediately found Andrew. It was as if, subconsciously, my eyes had picked out his hair, his face, his body shape, his perfect eyes as they stared at me. I can recognize that it must have been coincidence that he happened to be looking in my direction at the exact moment I saw him, but what if, (just imagine for a moment), it was no coincidence. What if he was looking for me in the exact same way I had been looking for me? Does he care about me the way I do for him? Does he like me? Am I more than a friend to him?
Thoughts such as those had been bothering me all weekend. The hope that he feels the same way about me was too much. I was shaking to the point that I thought I was going to fall over as I walked over to where he was and said, "Glad to see you came Bratty!" He smiled up from his seat, and then turned to answer someone else's hail. I went back to the dance floor and had a great time with John.
This is all beside the point. The fact is, I am crazy about Andrew. While I love Ian, it was different with him than Andrew. With Ian, I had no hope for a relationship, so despite how I felt about him, I was able to control it. Since the time I first laid eyes on Matt, I have not felt like this. A fluttering of my heart, my stomach making me sick with anticipation. He is moving away in June, Andrew that is, but I cannot seem to stop from becoming, as Andrew warned, "Too attached."
Dare I say it to you readers? Should I speak to you, pour out the quiet pain that is eating at me now as I type? Yes, yes, I dare. You are all trustworthy.
I think I am in love. I know that it will wreck me, just in the same way love wrecked me at this time last year, but I am willing to take that risk.
I spoke to Matt about my feelings for Andrew, and rather than being angry, he was happy for me. I have never felt so glad to know Matthew. He told me a story about his parents, and how his mother encouraged his father to "buy the good tires" because she said that he probably would not buy them later. It was Matthew's way of saying that I should not wait on Andrew to act, but I should to it myself.
I did, I "bought the good tires." Andrew has agreed to go on a date or more with me. He is just worried that I may become too attached to him, as he should be. I will never be so glad to have tried. Much in the same way that I would date someone with a terminal illness, even if I knew I could only have them for a short time. "It is better to have loved than to have never loved at all."
I would have never had the courage to do so, if Ian had not bit the bullet this morning and asked out Jane. I am SOOOOOOOOO excited for him. She is a great girl. I love that kid, Ian that is, and I really hope he is happy. He deserves some happiness for once.
I came home and excitedly spilled out my news about Andrew to my Dad who was like, "Ok." More important than my Dad's reaction, however, was the show he was watching. I only caught the last two minutes of Gray's Anatomy, but the closing quote was, "It is better to make the worst most irreparable mistake than to have never have tried at all."
I guess I was shown by fate, God, whoever, that my actions were acceptable.
Do yourself a favor my friends, reread my title, then follow my advice. Always buy the good tires, you never know when you won't get that second chance.
All weekend, all that I could think about was Andrew. It was driving me crazy. Saturday was Prom, but I did not dress for my date, I did not dress for John, even as I applied lip gloss I prayed with all my being that Andrew would decide to go to Prom, even though he did not have a date. I guiltily watched the door out of the corner of my eye, awaiting his arrival as I danced with John. With each minute another part of my heart sank. I sank deeper into my regret for having not asked him. John and I went to scour out Jacob, and as we came around the corner of the dance floor, my eyes immediately found Andrew. It was as if, subconsciously, my eyes had picked out his hair, his face, his body shape, his perfect eyes as they stared at me. I can recognize that it must have been coincidence that he happened to be looking in my direction at the exact moment I saw him, but what if, (just imagine for a moment), it was no coincidence. What if he was looking for me in the exact same way I had been looking for me? Does he care about me the way I do for him? Does he like me? Am I more than a friend to him?
Thoughts such as those had been bothering me all weekend. The hope that he feels the same way about me was too much. I was shaking to the point that I thought I was going to fall over as I walked over to where he was and said, "Glad to see you came Bratty!" He smiled up from his seat, and then turned to answer someone else's hail. I went back to the dance floor and had a great time with John.
This is all beside the point. The fact is, I am crazy about Andrew. While I love Ian, it was different with him than Andrew. With Ian, I had no hope for a relationship, so despite how I felt about him, I was able to control it. Since the time I first laid eyes on Matt, I have not felt like this. A fluttering of my heart, my stomach making me sick with anticipation. He is moving away in June, Andrew that is, but I cannot seem to stop from becoming, as Andrew warned, "Too attached."
Dare I say it to you readers? Should I speak to you, pour out the quiet pain that is eating at me now as I type? Yes, yes, I dare. You are all trustworthy.
I think I am in love. I know that it will wreck me, just in the same way love wrecked me at this time last year, but I am willing to take that risk.
I spoke to Matt about my feelings for Andrew, and rather than being angry, he was happy for me. I have never felt so glad to know Matthew. He told me a story about his parents, and how his mother encouraged his father to "buy the good tires" because she said that he probably would not buy them later. It was Matthew's way of saying that I should not wait on Andrew to act, but I should to it myself.
I did, I "bought the good tires." Andrew has agreed to go on a date or more with me. He is just worried that I may become too attached to him, as he should be. I will never be so glad to have tried. Much in the same way that I would date someone with a terminal illness, even if I knew I could only have them for a short time. "It is better to have loved than to have never loved at all."
I would have never had the courage to do so, if Ian had not bit the bullet this morning and asked out Jane. I am SOOOOOOOOO excited for him. She is a great girl. I love that kid, Ian that is, and I really hope he is happy. He deserves some happiness for once.
I came home and excitedly spilled out my news about Andrew to my Dad who was like, "Ok." More important than my Dad's reaction, however, was the show he was watching. I only caught the last two minutes of Gray's Anatomy, but the closing quote was, "It is better to make the worst most irreparable mistake than to have never have tried at all."
I guess I was shown by fate, God, whoever, that my actions were acceptable.
Do yourself a favor my friends, reread my title, then follow my advice. Always buy the good tires, you never know when you won't get that second chance.
posted by Nat Rivera at 11:27 PM
1 Comments:
Always take risks Natalie. I only learned this too late. Go out on a limb and don't worry about the consequences.
(Just so you know, I don't mean that if that limb is hundreds of feet in the air that you should not worry about the consequences. For instance, going sky diving without a parachute is a risk, but I am not an advocate of getting yourself killed because you are just stupid. On the other hand, when you ask somebody out on a date, the worst thing that person can do is say no. At least you tried.)
Be positive. I love to see you so happy. Stay that way because you are loved.
Post a Comment
<< Home