Burning A Way Sick CD Right Now
So, I was in a an incredibly bad mood last night, I have no explanation for it except that I am smack dab right back where I was at Christmas. I do not even know if I ever had time, nor if I ever did explain in my blog what that was like but I will attempt to explain it as I ventured closer to the inevitable death for the second time around.
Primarily, I am incapable of being happy. Even when there are things that should make me happy, they do not.
TV fuzz, a numbness of the brain, keeps me continually struggling to pay attention. I will probably go back on medication over the summer just because I know how much it will help when I am studying during college. I can see that the medication did help clearly in the difference between AcaDec Nat'ls and AcaDec State. Let me explain. Before Nat'ls I was off medication, a complete nervous wreck, and unable to concentrate. In addition I dropped to third C student for our team rather than second. At State, I was on Medication, dying from it, but able to concentrate, was not stressed out at all, managed to nab a number from a really hot soccer player, and was second C student. Obviously medication is a good thing, unless it forces you to hurt so badly that you cannot walk, like it did to me. So maybe there is something else that I can take instead.
Anyway, Ian had a rough day today. I feel bad for him, and I wish there was something more I could do for him, but right now I do not like the guy. He ratted me out to my brother, I wanted to kick his ass. Come to think of it, I am not exactly sure why I didn't. Anyway, I am sad that Matt didn't make a move to get me back, upset at the fact that Ian did, overly stressed out due to the deaths and illnesses in families that are close and semi-close to me.
The bettas are doing pretty well. The babies in particular. We cleaned out their tank today, and they are thriving in the new water. I am very glad for that.
Love never works out, I am completely broken hearted right now, and feeling completely alone at 12:22 AM, (or 00:22 for you military men, (Matt)).
I am starting a new me with college coming up and I am sad that I will be leaving the old one. High School used to be where people found their mate, found their direction, discovered themselves. Now, it is simply one more obstacle, one more stepping stone until a person can really begin that journey.
I wish I had not loved so many in High School, because then graduation would not hurt so much.
I have been asked if I am scared about going on to college, and the answer is no. It will always be no. I am not scared of going on to new things, I am afraid of leaving the old ones. Thus, the backsliding and the taking on of way too many tasks that I am not humanly possible of completing.
I walked past the stone in the gourtyard that had my Mom's name on it. I finally searched out which one it was today, and made a point to decide whether or not I liked it. I did.
It is unreal that she is gone. I am crying now, oh for the shame of it!
Well my CD is done burning so I'm going to go dance to Switch by Will Smith. TTYL.
Primarily, I am incapable of being happy. Even when there are things that should make me happy, they do not.
TV fuzz, a numbness of the brain, keeps me continually struggling to pay attention. I will probably go back on medication over the summer just because I know how much it will help when I am studying during college. I can see that the medication did help clearly in the difference between AcaDec Nat'ls and AcaDec State. Let me explain. Before Nat'ls I was off medication, a complete nervous wreck, and unable to concentrate. In addition I dropped to third C student for our team rather than second. At State, I was on Medication, dying from it, but able to concentrate, was not stressed out at all, managed to nab a number from a really hot soccer player, and was second C student. Obviously medication is a good thing, unless it forces you to hurt so badly that you cannot walk, like it did to me. So maybe there is something else that I can take instead.
Anyway, Ian had a rough day today. I feel bad for him, and I wish there was something more I could do for him, but right now I do not like the guy. He ratted me out to my brother, I wanted to kick his ass. Come to think of it, I am not exactly sure why I didn't. Anyway, I am sad that Matt didn't make a move to get me back, upset at the fact that Ian did, overly stressed out due to the deaths and illnesses in families that are close and semi-close to me.
The bettas are doing pretty well. The babies in particular. We cleaned out their tank today, and they are thriving in the new water. I am very glad for that.
Love never works out, I am completely broken hearted right now, and feeling completely alone at 12:22 AM, (or 00:22 for you military men, (Matt)).
I am starting a new me with college coming up and I am sad that I will be leaving the old one. High School used to be where people found their mate, found their direction, discovered themselves. Now, it is simply one more obstacle, one more stepping stone until a person can really begin that journey.
I wish I had not loved so many in High School, because then graduation would not hurt so much.
I have been asked if I am scared about going on to college, and the answer is no. It will always be no. I am not scared of going on to new things, I am afraid of leaving the old ones. Thus, the backsliding and the taking on of way too many tasks that I am not humanly possible of completing.
I walked past the stone in the gourtyard that had my Mom's name on it. I finally searched out which one it was today, and made a point to decide whether or not I liked it. I did.
It is unreal that she is gone. I am crying now, oh for the shame of it!
Well my CD is done burning so I'm going to go dance to Switch by Will Smith. TTYL.
posted by Nat Rivera at 12:17 AM
1 Comments:
I feel the exact same way about high school and college. What was the point, really? Nowadays, high school is just another hill to climb over before you reach the mountanous journey that is life. Stupid high school. Anyway, I hope you're feeling better after listening to music (that usually helps me) who sings that 'I Miss You' song btw?
Post a Comment
<< Home