José
Met a boy at State AcaDec. He's on the Belen team. By the way, we won, by a landslide, I am really proud of my teammates, they deserved the win.
As for me, I guess the only real win was the fact that I got some Betas, José's number, and I got to see my family win. That's what they are, my teammates are my family. I would give my heart if one of them needed it.
I stared up from my bed sheets tonight, book laying open on my leg to keep the page, blanket wrapped around me like a cocoon, and I realized for the first time that there was no beautiful butterfly waiting to come out. I have already taken flight. I flutter on the gentle weeds as an ugly black moth, hideously eyeing the leftover blossoms, the used nectar. I want nothing more, but you insist on seeing something more than me.
Your dark eyes call to me and grasp something deep within me. You are my poet, my dark and mysterious love. I cannot breathe for fear of the movement. I am scared to do anything to lose you, but at the same time I know that I push you away with every brush of my soft wings. I am merely trying to stay afloat, but you are falling again, and my tears only weigh you down.
I hate that I am scared to tell you everything. I hate that I cannot kiss you because I cannot commit. I hate that I know what we could both have, but I turn it down. I choose to fly away like the wind, let you believe that I do not want you, so that I do not hurt you further.
I will say it again, I wish you loved someone else. My broken hands cannot reach for you, and my bite would destroy you even if I could.
Everything has to be a competition, and I must win. Even conversations now include a winner, a loser, a draw. I accept defeat no longer, and I drive myself crazy with the voices of my mind.
I twitch in anticipation, in anxiety, in relaxation. Nothing satisfies me, not even for the moment. The dog at my feet shudders with sweet dreams and I cannot bring myself to accept her as she is.
Time is not linear, and because of this, I am forever with you, forever in your arms, and forever in your anguish, in your pain. We are both together and apart for all of eternity. I am dead and alive, I am speechless and talking, all in the same moment, all in my mind.
Black walls creep throughout the house, and I am alone in a corner. Tired of being creative, tired of being inadequate, tired of being told I'm beautiful when I can see the truth. I break the mirrors with my hands in order to distort the horror I see staring back at me.
Dark spot on your lower lip, and all I want is your plush pink softness pushing up against mine in intimacy. Tear my heart out and eat for the pain it would save.
Go Chicago 2005, Cteam.
As for me, I guess the only real win was the fact that I got some Betas, José's number, and I got to see my family win. That's what they are, my teammates are my family. I would give my heart if one of them needed it.
I stared up from my bed sheets tonight, book laying open on my leg to keep the page, blanket wrapped around me like a cocoon, and I realized for the first time that there was no beautiful butterfly waiting to come out. I have already taken flight. I flutter on the gentle weeds as an ugly black moth, hideously eyeing the leftover blossoms, the used nectar. I want nothing more, but you insist on seeing something more than me.
Your dark eyes call to me and grasp something deep within me. You are my poet, my dark and mysterious love. I cannot breathe for fear of the movement. I am scared to do anything to lose you, but at the same time I know that I push you away with every brush of my soft wings. I am merely trying to stay afloat, but you are falling again, and my tears only weigh you down.
I hate that I am scared to tell you everything. I hate that I cannot kiss you because I cannot commit. I hate that I know what we could both have, but I turn it down. I choose to fly away like the wind, let you believe that I do not want you, so that I do not hurt you further.
I will say it again, I wish you loved someone else. My broken hands cannot reach for you, and my bite would destroy you even if I could.
Everything has to be a competition, and I must win. Even conversations now include a winner, a loser, a draw. I accept defeat no longer, and I drive myself crazy with the voices of my mind.
I twitch in anticipation, in anxiety, in relaxation. Nothing satisfies me, not even for the moment. The dog at my feet shudders with sweet dreams and I cannot bring myself to accept her as she is.
Time is not linear, and because of this, I am forever with you, forever in your arms, and forever in your anguish, in your pain. We are both together and apart for all of eternity. I am dead and alive, I am speechless and talking, all in the same moment, all in my mind.
Black walls creep throughout the house, and I am alone in a corner. Tired of being creative, tired of being inadequate, tired of being told I'm beautiful when I can see the truth. I break the mirrors with my hands in order to distort the horror I see staring back at me.
Dark spot on your lower lip, and all I want is your plush pink softness pushing up against mine in intimacy. Tear my heart out and eat for the pain it would save.
Go Chicago 2005, Cteam.
posted by Nat Rivera at 11:53 PM
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