Waiting on West Point (Part II)- The Saga Continues

I am so broken right now. I could not even talk to my friends about it really. I went right after my conversation with Matt to watch pictures of China and it was all I could do not to cry. Right now I am shedding my first tear.

I know it's right, and I know we both still have growing up to do, but it is heartbreaking to know that I cannot just be with the person I want to because he has something great coming in his life. I am happy knowing he has a great future ahead of him.

For the first time tonight I could not find the lyrics to a song I wanted to. Which, in case you don't know, is highly uncharacteristic of me. I have NEVER not been able to find the lyrics of a song. I am completely off.

My heart is breaking. It is like the feeling of my Great Grandmother getting cancer. You want it to work out for the best, but the best is them leaving you, and you damn well learn it even more with every single breath you take.

Ah West Point. I'm waiting for a future that is not in our fate. God speed on your journey. I will love you and I hope that you are happy in all that you do. May God grant me the prayer of taking your pain so that you will not know it as I do now.

Well, Nebraska hoy. I am terrified. I am doing this alone. Time for me to move on. I am going to fail. Hopefully I will find what I am looking for. Hopefully God will lead me. This life is not mine, it is a pilgrimage to find what God wants of me.

My Mother is inside of me. She is my strength. My hope. My pride. My will to go on. I am going to go cry.

Thank you Lord for good friends and the gift of hope. A follow up, two minutes after thanking God, I found the lyrics. There is something in prayer my friends! Here they are:

Lyrics View
Zak and Sara

Sara, spelled without an "h"
was getting bored
on a peavey amp in 1984
while Zak without a "c"
tried out some new guitars
playing Sara with no "h's"
favorite song

Zak and Sara

often Sara would have spells
where she lost time
she saw the future,
she heard voices from inside
the kind of voices
she would soon learn to deny,
because at home they got her smacked

Zak and Sara
Zak and Sara

Zak called his dad
about layaway plans
and Sara told the friendly salesman that
"You'll all die in your cars"
and "Why's it gotta be dark?",
and "You're all working in a submarine,
asshole!"

she saw the lights,
she saw a pale English face
some strange machines
repeating beats and thumping bass
visions of pills
that put you in a loving trance
that make it possible
for all white boys to dance
and when Zak finished Sara's song,
Sara clapped

Zak and Sara
Zak and Sara

yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah

Also, my friend gave me a bible verse that is very fitting tonight. Thanks Noelly.

Isaiah 42:16
"And I will bring the blind by a way [that] they knew not; I will lead them in paths [that] they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them."