Dreary Day

I am so dehydrated right now that my head feels as though it is on fire. I am exhausted, and way too sober to be facing today. No, I am way too ALIVE to be facing today.

Saw Justin today, and for the first time he was deeply affected and hurt by the way I am. Depression sinks in deeper. I never meant to bring others down. I wish people were just capable of walking away if I am hurting them, but they never do, so I destroy them as well. Like flies on my spider web, I suck them dry, leaving them worn and empty. Used and forlorn are my sacrifices.

Jolene put up a blog for me, I was amazed. In all honesty, I never thought people cared. As soon as I had posted it last night my phone started ringing, it was Ian. He told me not to do it, because Dominic still needed me, so I did not. I stayed, lying on my bed begging God to kill me, but I lived. Damn it all to hell, nothing goes my way.

I got an email last night from Robyn. Some people have crazy timing. I was going to go and not see today, and Ian, Robyn, and Jolene were there. Justin reinforced the reason for my existence today. I have never been so happy to have someone know who I truly am. He never references it in front of others, but he knows. He would be there for me anytime if I asked.

I am thinking about drinking quite heavily to survive this weekend. Anyone want in?

Damn my head hurts.

ttyl,
Nat