My Best-Friend is dead today.

Ian, there was a day not too long ago that I distinctly remember riding in your car. I was almost dead, and planning on leaving you that very night. I felt that nothing could awaken my emotions again, but you turned to me as we neared Paseo and the freeway, and told me about the battle. You gave me a reason to keep fighting this war everyone else calls life.

Your Mom and Sister are wrong about a lot of things, but I am bad for you. Your blood is on my hands and I cannot wash it off. Looking into your eyes tonight when you left, I knew that only I was to blame. The real me, the honest and true Natalie, has killed you.

"I am already gone" was all that you said and I knew that I had lost you. I truly have failed you. Standing in that entry hall I knew that I could do nothing because if I change than I am not the me you want, but if I remain who I am, you will pay just as badly. I am harm. I am the personification of pain.

I have encountered a lot of death in my life, but today came as a surprise. I had never believed that you would give up completely until today, when I realized that you already have.

I am so sorry.