Mama

Tonight I write for no one, yet the words are sent to anyone who will read. I grow weary of the sunlight that burns my eyes, yet it is the only thing that brightens my dark existence. I am tired of everything. Tired of myself, tired of the pain, tired of the words you never said, Mother. I'm tired of you. I'm tired of the tears I wasted today trying to bring you back into my life. Your words still haunt my soul, tearing at my face, ripping my skin to pieces. You are my everything, and you are nothing. I hate you. You may be dead but that doesn't change the curse you gave me on my conception, and I am now you. I am crazed, biting at myself in an attempt to destroy the bad. Are you happy now? Well, screw you, screw everyone, I want to die everyday, yet the sun keeps coming up and bringing me back into its burning light.

I fit their description, their words penetrate my mind and tear me away from myself. No one but my love knows me anymore, and anyone I used to be has been destroyed. The blood drips endlessly off of the guilty petals and I am lost. Lost in the deep crevices of Insomnia. Lost in the mind of tortured. Lost in the coffin that you helped to build.

So then, finish me. Bury me alive among all the others. Take me and put me where none can remember the trouble I have caused. Do not mark my grave, leave me to take my last breaths beyond human ears. Do not spare me pain now, you have already cut me too deep to matter.

Eventually, we are all nameless in death.